The Voice That Was Never Really Yours

The Voice That Was Never Really Yours (Photo by Anton Malanin on Unsplash)

Recognising the Impact of Harsh Self-Talk

Most people carry a running commentary in their heads, and for a lot of us, that commentary is harsh. You make a small mistake and immediately hear something like you always mess this up, or why would anyone want to spend time with you. It can feel so automatic and so familiar that it seems like simple honesty, just how things are.

Uncovering the Source of Performance Anxiety

Worth pausing on where that voice actually came from. Often it started somewhere outside you, a parent who was quick to criticise, a teacher who compared you unfavourably to others, a culture that rewarded achievement over acceptance. Over time, that outside voice got absorbed and started running on its own, so convincingly that it can be hard to remember it was ever borrowed rather than built from scratch.

Reframing the Inner Critic for Executive Growth

This matters because a learned voice can be unlearned, or at least loosened. The aim usually isn't to silence the inner critic completely, since that rarely works and often backfires. It's more about noticing when it starts up and asking whether what it's saying is actually true, or just old and familiar.

Developing Constructive Self-Accountability

A useful practice is imagining what you'd say to a friend in the same situation. Most people would never speak to someone they cared about the way they speak to themselves, which says something about how distorted the inner critic's version of events tends to be. Over time, the goal is to build a second voice alongside the critical one, steadier and kinder, one that can hold you accountable without tearing you down. It takes practice, but that voice is available to everyone, including you.